Thursday, September 10, 2009

~*~Nita J Philosophy: Healthly Loneliness~Learning and Surviving~*~

So most of you know that I have been single for a little over 2 years after being in unhealthy relationships as well as a broken-off engagement. These last 2 years have been rocky but as I look back on what I have gone through, I am happy and grateful for the lessons I have learned. A good lesson I am learning to except is an idea I like to call "Healthy Loneliness".

I think that a lot of people, men and women, hate the idea of being alone. So much that we tend to put ourselves in unhealthy relationships and situations to disguise the fact that we are lacking what we truly need for ourselves emotionally and even spiritually. Some of us surround ourselves with not-so-good "friends", some of us seek sexual-only relationships for fear of getting emotionally attached and hurt, and some of us just settle for the first man or woman that comes along and enter a relationship just so we don't call ourselves lonely. It's sad but true, and what's even sadder is that sometimes we don't even realize it.

I have always been a true believer that when it comes to love and heartfelt emotion, we as humans react with 3 parts...our mind, our heart and our soul. When all 3 components act in unison, you know that the situation you are in is beautiful, God-sent and meant to be. But what about when they don't mesh?

For meet a guy..he's nice you have a good're mind says "ok, he's cool", you're heart, being the risk-taker of the 3 says "try it, let's see what happens.." ..but something is your spirit says "i don't know about this one boo boo"...that's your soul telling you that possibly this isn't right..and something is better out there...maybe even your soul mate. Most of the time you're not spiritually and emotionally in tune with yourself, so you won't hear your soul at all, so you miss out on this little warning and just run with it...for fear of being lonely or to fill a void in your life.

Personally I have learned that this period of loneliness for me has been a wonderful experience because as a person I have grown so, so much. I am more in tune with "my star player" and I know what to and what NOT to accept from someone. I am determined not to settle for just anyone, but for someone who speaks to all my key components; mind, heart and soul..and then even my body..but that comes afterwards and is a whole 'nother story. One should seek to reach maximum connection on ALL levels when seeking to replace loneliness with a significant other...not make the mistake of "well...he's cool but i really wish he would be like this..but i don't wanna be alone, so I'll stay" or "well she is really pretty...but i need a women to be this way toward me and she won't..oh well I guess I'll stick around"...

Never settle, my are setting yourself up for spiritual and emotional failure..real talk. You may not see it now or in the near future..but hopefully you will see it. You need to understand that you are a work of art, a masterpiece and you deserve exactly what you THINK you deserve and absolutely nothing less. If you don't understand that then you are not finished growing personally and you should take advantage of that lonely time and build yourself up.. You are no good to your significant other if you are not done analyzing yourself and your own life. You CANNOT TRULY AND UNCONDITIONALLY LOVE SOMEONE IF YOU DON'T LOVE YOURSELF...Therefore you cannot BE in love....which is a whole 'nother level of Love that you won't truly feel or understand..And if you're not truly connected to the point where you can't even begin to GET TO the "In Love" state..then it's time for you to re-evaluate some things.. When you settle for just anything, remember you are closing off that space that's meant for your soul-mate...

I will end this post with a video I saw recently by B.Scott which really touched my soul and was the inspiration for my post!

****Lovelies be sure to scroll down to the bottom of my blog and pause the music before viewing all videos!****


Ava Sky said...

So true...I believe after long intense relationships, people should take time to relearn and love themselves. REgardless if you were in a healthy or unhealthy relationship you put alot into the relationship and that other person. & when you aren't completely over that person you bring unnecessary baggage into a new relationship. Anyone knowingly going into a sex only relationship needs to know that somewhere don the line someone is going to catch feelings and its not worth the drama. Stop the cycle of broken hearts and consciously hurting others bc you aren't ready for a relationship, be honest and do unto others as you would want done to you. Very cliche but saves a many broken hearts.